i was born a porn star she said
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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