Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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