It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
