$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i think i just lost a toe
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
