evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
