it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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