Non-Jews are for practice
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
