So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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