I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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