gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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