So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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