Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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