Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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