Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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