I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
