please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize