i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
