ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
