How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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