I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
