there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
