I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
