i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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