Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
