I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
