I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
