I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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