Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
