After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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