you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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