so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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