i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
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I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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