Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
