God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
