I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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