I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
