No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am one with the molecules
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
