Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
