He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
