You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize