the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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