you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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