everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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