Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
