Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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