i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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