The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
