Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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