I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
