Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
