just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
