we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
