You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
