it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
