If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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