I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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