Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
