My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
