So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
